Our Advice Blog

36

Friendships

#askvicki , #friendship

Being a teen is hard sometimes and very often it’s your friends you go to when you need to offload, but did you know that you can learn so much from being part of a close friendship group and this week we cover a few things you and your friends should be experiencing and that will keep you close for many years to come, no matter what happens in life!

Learn to Share

You’re not on your own when you have friends and if you open up and tell them how you are feeling, chances are they are going through the same things too and these shared experiences will only make your friendship bond even closer. Let your friends know they can tell you anything and that you will keep any private chats PRIVATE and be sure to keep this promise.

Learn from Them

If you’ve got a friend who is committed to doing well in school or takes sport seriously, then don’t ridicule them for being like this calling them ‘geeky’. Instead learn from them, they are positive role models and it is always better to surround yourself with people like this, rather than negative friends who always look on the down side. Positive people can often leave us feeling we can excel at something too and give us a kick start to join a new club or try to better ourselves in class.

Learn to give a compliment

It sounds obvious doesn’t it? But so many of us nowadays forget to be nice to each other, so if your friend is wearing a nice outfit or has done well in sport, or even has changed her hairstyle, tell her, by doing this you will encourage others to do the same. And if someone gives you a compliment learn to take it, say “thank you” instead of dismissing the compliment as unworthy of you.

Learn something new

Get out of the habit of rejecting something new. Friends will often have different views and likes based on their home life. So try something that you would never have considered before. It could be something as simple as listening to a new band your friend likes, reading a book they recommend, trying a new activity such as ice-skating or rock climbing, or even eating something you do not generally eat at home, such as sushi, or Mexican food. These new experiences can only make your world far richer for being introduced to them.

Learn to take criticism

Friends are often quick to offer you advice on boys, what movies to watch, music to listen to, how to dress. Don’t take this personally, they generally have your best interest at heart. And if you are the person giving the advice, offer it in a positive way. For example saying “I hate your hairstyle today”, will only cause conflict and upset someone’s feelings. Instead say, “I really loved your hair the way you had it the other day, it was so pretty, you should wear it more like that.”

Friends can be blunt if they think you are making a mistake or doing something that could be harmful or risky. Listen to their advice, you may not take it, but they do this out of genuine care for your well-being and can often see something you are unable to see because they are not so closely involved.

Learn to open up to new friendships

Don’t feel excluded if your friends have other friends outside of your group and if you are invited along to a social event, smile, chat and get to know these new people too, they are not your enemies or rivals and it’s always a good idea to expand your circle of friends and build new relationships. This will also help with any shyness or feelings of being self-conscious that often starts to be noticed in your teen years. And where friends are concerned…the more the merrier!

Learn to let go

Puberty is hard for teens and it is normal for friendships to change and adapt during your teen years. So if a friend seems distant or is spending more time with others, don’t feel too upset, instead of cutting them out of your life and making a big deal out of it, accept this can happen. Smile when you pass them in the corridor or canteen and say “Hi” and keep a limited level of contact with them in the future. You never know they may come back to your group and if they do, welcome them back without judgement.

Learn to accept

Ok, there will always be one or two people in your group that you do not feel a connection with, even argue with from time to time, but that does not mean you have to exclude them from your life or try to force them out of the group. Instead accept that you are never going to be close friends, be polite and learn to understand we are all different, but can still get along.

45

Friendships

#puberty

Puberty signifies big changes in your life. Not only to the way you look but the way you feel. It can also coincide with joining a new school, which makes friendships even more important as you go through these new experiences together.

At times, you may be feeling a little jealous that your friends are developing earlier than you. Just remember there is nothing wrong with being an earlier or late developer. Remember, you’re unique so don’t try to change yourself to fit in.

DID YOU KNOW:

Drinking
coffee may
increase PMS

New
school,
new
friends?

#puberty, #school

Starting a new school can sometimes mean that you and your friends may be split up and put in different classes or different schools. You may even notice you no longer feel close to friends you have known for a long time, or they're distancing themselves from you.

 

Actually, this is very normal and happens a lot during puberty. It's no one's fault and something happens quite naturally. There’s no need to fall out about it so, rather than getting upset, accept this as part of becoming a young adult.

 

If it does happen to you, don’t get caught up in saying unkind things about someone. Instead, focus on making new friends in class who enjoy hanging out with you.

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Comments

shark lover

friends r difecult but thats ok because they will be there 4 u and u have some one 2 talk 2

Name

Firstly for a bit of backstory, I just finished Year 6 and I’m going to secondary school in September where none of my friends are going. We had a leavers party after our last day of school and we ate lunch at a local restaurant - there was 19 people in our year - it was a small private school - but during the lunch, one of my best friends said a joke and it really upset me. It’s fine now but I’m worried that when we go to our different schools she won’t to be my friend but we have contact and we’ve called each other multiple times but I’m just worried because in primary school, apart from my friends in my friend group, I felt just a bit left out when they weren’t there. What should I do?

LSSSIAMBFO (long story short should I ask my best friend out) she’s a girl btw we have history

When I was in year 7 I had this really close bsf (BeSt Friend) - let’s call her S- that I had just met in starting high school, and I told her all my secrets. That i was bi, had serious anxiety but nvr let it show, felt worthless, ect. And she told me that she HAD BEEN lesbian but now she was straight and she had depression. Soon I started fantasising about making out with her and all that stuff, and I realised I had a crush on her, but towards the end of year seven she started dating another one of my friends- let’s call her A- (proving she was STILL into girls) and I was rlly bummed ofc. But at the start of year 8 I they took it back to the friend zone. Not long after she kept yelling SHIP at me and her ex -A- (my new CONTROLLING bsf) but there was nothing there. To prove that I didn’t have a crush on A I told S’s new bsf -let’s call her T- that I had a crush on S so that T could defend me. As soon and S realised T knew who I liked, she was all over trying to figure it out. Then T told me she knew who S liked!- I didn’t even know she had a crush! Soon we both kind of realised we liked each other and but I was so wired about it even thought EVERYBODY knew I knew, I pretended I had no idea. And then we just kind of lost touch and she dated a boy -D- before they broke up bcs she realised she liked a girl again. And she started talking to me a lot more again, brushing on me as she waked past, that kind of thing. Should I be open and tell her is still like her? I think it’s me. But what if it’s not!? And I mess everything up. Urrrrrrr I just dk. Any help would be AMAZING thanxxxxxx

Gothgrrrlpwr

What if your to shy talk to anyone. I try but I can't just go over to them and say hi.:(

BFF

I have dealt with lots of friend changes throughout my year of my primary school and I realized friendship is a two way thing I have amazing friends but I started with my best friend in reception who was a boy and all the way to year 4 I only played with boys in year 5 and 6 I found a group of friends towards the end of years five we had some arguments then in year 6 some of them became my friend one of them turned out to just be using me she called me and two of my friends losers behind my back and threatened to kill one of my friends she did this when I wasn't there when I returned she was nice to me and pretend nothing happened untill my friends told me she also steals out of pencil cases and isolated you from your friends I definitely don't trust her I don't know what else she is going to do but she has gone to far I struggle with anxiety and feel I might have autism because I find it hard to do the stuff I used to do I am finding it hard to keep still and focused in learning with her adding on stresses me more and then my periods worry me so she makes it even worse I wish everyone in my class would just get along like next door but we all have different things going on but it is not fair to let it out on someone else even I don't do that and I have the most problems because I don't tell anyone anyone about it but here is a moral to always remember Even if it's har don't let it out on other people because actions always find a way of coming back I love my friends because they like me back and I know they are true friends

Catlover123

Me and my friends have arguments about 90% of the time but I still love them!

booklover@123

hey just to add to A FRIEND's comment, also try complimenting people, ask them where they got their bag, stuff like that. Also try asking a question that will open up lots of conversation, e.g favourite memory about food.

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